i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
