i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
