I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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