The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Houston, we have a blender
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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