My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
