there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
