I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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