thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
