I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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