just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
