So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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