Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize