i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
