He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize