I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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