shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pants are for mortals
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
