The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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