Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
