She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
