bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
