I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
