btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
