whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
