is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
