I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
