clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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