I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
