Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
