Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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