I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
