if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
