so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
