it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why do cheetos always look like penises
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize