My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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