Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
