Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
