It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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