They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
