ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
