I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
