She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
