GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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