yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
