how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
