Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
