3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
