And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
