eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
