Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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