can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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