chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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