Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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