You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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