had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
