you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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