If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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