I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
