problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
