Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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