So drunk its hurt
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My dick has a subreddit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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