Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
