I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
