Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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