Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
