everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
