And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
