so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
