Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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