well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
