Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize