Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
