when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
