***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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