it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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