so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
