what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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