words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
