you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
