My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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