one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
