First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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