well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
