Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
