I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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