You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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